Today’s post is a little different from the usual crafts and activities. It was five years ago today that Tristan finally came home from the hospital with us. It was still five weeks before his due date; he’d already spent six and a half weeks in the neonatal intensive care and special care baby units of Antrim Area Hospital.
The crocus and daffodils were in full bloom and our sakura (cherry blossom) tree was about to bloom. Each morning they would give me renewed hope that everything would be OK as I made the 35 mile journey to visit my baby son.
There is no known reason why Tristan was born 79 days early. It was such a rough time on Phil and me. My family was all an ocean away. Phil’s family helped with transporting me to the hospital three mornings a week and sometimes we’d stop in on the way home at night for a meal. But still I felt alone and guilty for not being able to protect my baby.
The days and nights dragged on. But strangely the days in SCBU passed by quite quickly with the daily hospital routines of checking Tristan’s sats, changing his diaper, his tube feedings, and me taking an hour to express for him every 2-3 hours around the clock. To help pass some of the time in between, I would read Beatrix Potter books to Tristan. Another Mommy said her son liked to listen as well, so I made sure to read a little louder from then on. I still enjoy reading to my children, and someday soon they will start reading to me.
Tristan spent my first Mother’s Day in the hospital, but when I arrived there was a card, a little hand print, and a chocolate waiting for me on his bed. There were some very kind nurses in the unit, who were encouraging and helpful. They not only have to look after the premature babies, but also us parents.
There were some very scary times during Tristan’s time in NICU, SCBU,, and for several months after he came home. Not everyone is as fortunate as we have been with Tristan. I am thankful everyday that both my children are happy, healthy, beautiful, thriving, and thirsting for knowledge.
The only thing that I felt I could do for my baby boy at the time was to give him my milk. This was made easier by the loan of a hospital-grade pump from the charity of Tiny Life. I had to take that with me everywhere I went, it became a part of me. The only break I had from it was for 4 hours in the night to get some unbroken sleep.
It’s not easy to express when your body isn’t ready and you’re under a great deal of stress. It was only with luck and medication that I was able to make just enough for Tristan, and not a drop more. To help others, I donated to the Milk Bank for 17 months after Kallista was born. This was still part of the healing process for me.
I want to say a special thank you to the kind ladies of the Carrickfergus Garden Society and Loving Hands who donate their time and resources and knit and crochet hats and cardigans for the babies in the SCBU. Tristan had a couple of these beautiful cardigans during his time there to help keep him warm after he was big enough to leave the incubator. The room was 24C and he had on up to 14 layers of clothing and blankets as well as he didn’t yet have the fat reserves of term babies. We still have the sweaters packed away carefully to show Tristan how small he was, and remind him of the kindness and generosity of others.
I didn’t truly feel like I was a proper mother until Tristan came home from the neonatal ward with us. I don’t know if anyone else privately marks three dates: The day Tristan was born, the day he was due to be born, and the day he came home from the hospital and we could look after him ourselves like real parents.
After about three months home with Tristan I was finally feeling confident enough to venture out on my own and we joined a nearby La Leche League group. I met some amazing women there, some of whom have become good friends. It became a reason to get ourselves up and dressed and go for a train trip.
I was off work for over two years between maternity leave and long-term leave for depression. It wasn’t until after Kallista safely arrived into this world that I have really started to feel myself again. Kallista was only 25 days early and 6lbs 9oz, and thankfully came home with us the same day she was born.
Through everything my husband, Phil was nearby. He was fixing up the house (which he was in the process of dismantling when I went into labour), and picking me up when I was down. If it wasn’t for him, I don’t know where I’d be.
These experiences have helped me be who I am today and have shaped the way I parent (I don’t do everything the way I had planned before the children were born; homeschooling is just one example).
This is a quick snippet into Tristan’s birth story. I would be here for days to write the extended version.
The name Crystal’s Tiny Treasures came about as my children were (and still are) Tiny Treasures to me.
Update: Our Tiny Treasures are growing up so quickly, and thus we’ve renamed our site Castle View Academy.
Carolyn Wilhelm says
I can understand your story so much better now that I have seen a family experience a premature child. I had empathy before, but you really write and tell the story so well. Shared on social media! Thanks so much, Carolyn
Crystal McClean says
Thank you for sharing, but much more for caring so much about about the family you know. You’ll never know how big a difference you’ve already made in all of their lives!
Renee @ Mother Daughter Book Reviews says
Thank you for sharing your story. I cannot imagine how difficult this all would have been. I was in the hospital with my daughter for about 2 and 1/2 weeks before I was induced because of pre-eclampsia and then we stayed another 1 and a 1/2 afterward. She was born just over 4 lbs but she only spent 24 hours in NICU. That whole ordeal was horrible, so I can’t imagine how much more difficult it is for Moms who have a baby in NICU for months. All I know is that nurses are amazing – they are true caregivers. We also had the knit hats as well. There are some truly kind people around.
Anyways, I’m so glad that, in the end, you have a beautiful family! 🙂
Crystal McClean says
My goodness, I don’t know how you managed the stress and worry before giving birth, Renee! Not knowing what will happen is horrible. The nurses can either make or break the hospital experience, and most are fantastic 🙂
My mom has just sent a package over for the NICU with things she has made. I can’t wait to see it.
I’m so glad things worked out well for your family, it’s always comforting to hear about other’s experiences.
Thank you for all your support 🙂
Have a funtastic summer with your family!
Jana @ HowToRunAHomeDaycare says
Crystal,
Tears came to my eyes as I read your story. My first child was premature as well. It was heartbreaking leaving the hospital on day 3 (when they release the mother) with my bag and pillow but not my child. I still remember the car ride home as I got farther and farther away from my baby. Heartbreaking. And yes, the hospital grade pump soon became my constant companion. But now my baby is turning seven years old and is a little spit fire. You would never know she had a bumpy start. By the way, I LOVE the name Tristan. It was on my short list! Love the birthday picture of your little guy, that’s quite the cake. He is one lucky little man.
Crystal McClean says
Thank you so much for commenting, it does mean a lot. AT the time I didn’t know of anyone who had had a premature baby, but I have been surprised since how many people I have met who have this in common. We are truly blessed to have such little fighters!
OneMommy says
Thank you so much for sharing your story and linking up with us this week! The Lord does work some wonderful miracles! Your son has turned in to quite a handsome little boy; love his smile!
Crystal McClean says
Thank you for reading our story and dropping in to say hello. Tristan says “thank you” for your compliment!
Anna says
I’m a new follower from Thankful Thursday.
Thanks for sharing your story. It is wonderful that he is doing so well now. 🙂
Crystal McClean says
Thank you for following! It’s really good to have something positive to focus on when life is difficult and sometimes we forget. Thankful Thursday was a great reminder this week in particular.
Helen Neale says
What an amazing story, and a wonderful little boy you have there, five years on; a very tough start for you all, but you clearly did him proud with all that hard work and pumping in the early days. Well done to you both. A lovely post, and thanks so much for linking up and popping over to the blog to do so. Cheers xx
crystalmcclean says
Thank you for the support, have an awesome weekend!
Alice (@mumsmakelists) says
Thanks so much for linking up at the Friday Baby Shower Alice xxx
crystalmcclean says
It was my pleasure, thank you!
katepickle says
Loved reading about your journey.
Our twins were born 11 weeks early and I remember those weeks and weeks in hospital like it was yesterday…. but our girls will be ten in November and so much time has passed, you would never know they had such a rough start.
Much love
crystalmcclean says
No, you’d never know from their photos 🙂 Thank you for sharing with us; it can be quite a lonely time. Well done Mommy for being so strong and raising such lovely children!
Crystal says
What a blessing childen are. I know all to well the pumping and waiting to bring your precious baby home. My son was born early too and spent three months in the NICU. He just turned six in Feb. His due date was May, he came home in April. I remember all my dates too.
Hugs,
Crystal
crystalmcclean says
Ezra is a little cutie! It helps to give back to the charities that have helped along the way, doesn’t it? Good luck with the March of Dimes! I wonder what special future lies in store for our little treasures?
Alice (@mumsmakelists) says
Lovely post – must have been such a difficult time.
Would love for you to link this up at the Baby Shower a link party for all things pregnancy and new baby – Alice @ Mums Make Lists xx
crystalmcclean says
Thank you for your comment. It was very difficult, but it’s made us who we are today, and we like who we are becoming. I will mosey over to check out your link.
Crystal
Rachel says
What a blessing he is doing so well and thriving! What a rough start for your family, but so glad things are going great!
crystalmcclean says
Thank you for your comment, it means a lot. We are very fortunate, and are reminded daily (even on days like today when we all have the flu and no one is happy!)
Carolyn Wilhelm says
Thank you so much for sharing this story. I am going to share it with some I know who is going through something similar. Many people are going to appreciate this post. It helps so much to have this in words.
crystalmcclean says
It’s been a while now, but it will always be an important chapter in our book.
Tulip says
Very touching story! You are quick the mama to express for him for that long. Way to go. He is such a cute little man and growing very big now. I hope he had an awesome birthday! Thanks for sharing!
crystalmcclean says
He did have an awesome birthday-you can always tell from his dimples!